I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
