areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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