Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
