I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
