So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
