the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We are two peas in an std pod
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
