I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
