The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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