Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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