My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
