like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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