so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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