i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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