We won't sleep together?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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