i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
