LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
