Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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