I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
