So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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