can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
