I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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