It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
