can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
