lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
