yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
