dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
