maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
