We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
