in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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