i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
