Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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