birth control should be required to get into college
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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