she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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