There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
