If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
