We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize