He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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