i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
