Heybabeimwearingurpanties
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize