Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
