She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
