One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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