there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
