My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
