I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
