How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
