oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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