Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize