well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My balls are so social today.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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