I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
