i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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