I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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