Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
