I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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