Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
