saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
