i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize