doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
