people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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