I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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