Jerry, you need to find god
I can text with my tongue
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
