My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
