what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
