I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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