Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die, sorry about rent.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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