He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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