She tied me up with her honor cords...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
