quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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