My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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