I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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