I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my liver is dry heaving
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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