wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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