I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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