I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
