She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
