i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
birth control should be required to get into college
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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