then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
