he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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