this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
