He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come share oat with me in your robe
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
