I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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