I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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