uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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