Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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