Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
