Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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