If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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