wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
