May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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