I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
