Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
