I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize