When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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