JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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