3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize