Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
