i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
